Let's begin where we began and ended in the last newsletter: We human beings, like all the beings on this earth, are basically good. Why? Because there is nothing right or wrong with life; life "just is."
Sitting in meditation over time, we realize that we "just are" much like a tree in the woods or a bird in flight. We are life. Even if our internal voice keeps making noise, we sense the stillness that is also present. It is all around us and it is in us. That basic stillness is just what is needed to work with destructive emotions.
Self-blame is the thinking part of a particularly destructive emotion called shame. You might, for example, hear yourself thinking: "I shouldn't have (please fill in the space)." If those words come with a body sensation such as a flushing of the face, a shrinking feeling across the whole body, or a desire to flee, you are in the emotion called shame.
We are often ashamed of being ashamed, so we find ways to hide from shame - not to know it exists. Hiding out diminishes our strength and actually gets in the way of any effort to right the wrongs we human beings do.
If, however, we return to the "just is" experience, we discover how to befriend shame, and even more important, how to let it go.
12/28/2008
11/30/2008
Basic Goodness
We human beings, like all the beings on this earth, are basically good. Why? Because there is nothing right or wrong about life; life just is.
According to Chogyam Trungpa, basic goodness is like a sneeze. "When you sneeze there is no time to think about good or bad. The sneeze just is. The simple capacity to have your own personal experience is basic goodness. It does not have to be compared to basic badness."
To access the felt experience of basic goodness we sit in meditation, and slowly, as we let go of thoughts in the mind and feelings in the body, the "just is" feeling arises. Realizing our basic goodness is an important step toward skillfully managing self-blame, and that will be the focus of our January Meditation Morning.
We are fundamentally good. Why? Because we are Life, and Life is fundamentally good
We just are.
How comforting.
Join me at Bryn Mawr College on December 13th for meditation and a talk on Basic Goodness.
According to Chogyam Trungpa, basic goodness is like a sneeze. "When you sneeze there is no time to think about good or bad. The sneeze just is. The simple capacity to have your own personal experience is basic goodness. It does not have to be compared to basic badness."
To access the felt experience of basic goodness we sit in meditation, and slowly, as we let go of thoughts in the mind and feelings in the body, the "just is" feeling arises. Realizing our basic goodness is an important step toward skillfully managing self-blame, and that will be the focus of our January Meditation Morning.
We are fundamentally good. Why? Because we are Life, and Life is fundamentally good
We just are.
How comforting.
Join me at Bryn Mawr College on December 13th for meditation and a talk on Basic Goodness.
10/30/2008
Full Day Mindfullness Meditation Retreat
5 Reasons to Join Me
- To experience a whole day in silence. It's a powerful release from the talk habit and an entry into a new level of intimacy with your self, with others who are also silent, and with the natural world.
- To increase your power of concentration, which is the ability to focus your attention on something and keep if there for as long as needed. That's the state meditators call being in samadhi.
- To enhance the clarity of your 6 sense gates -- hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, body sensations and thoughts in the mind. Clarity of mind, for instance, enhances your thinking -- your ability to discriminate simply and precisely.
- To develop equanimity. I liken it to watching a herd of buffalo off in the distance. Or it's listening to your children argue without any investment in the outcome -- as long as they don't hurt each other. Sometimes bearing witness is all that's needed for life to take care of itself.
- To experience the delight of meditating with others.
9/26/2008
No Agenda
We come to our Meditation Mornings to sit. At best we sit as if we were rocks, each of us with our own center of gravity. We have no other agenda except to be aware.
It's a strange thing to do, to sit. People "relax" "waste time" or "hang out" but most never - not once in a life time - do they sit with awareness.
Sitting is a powerful act, even a rebellious act since it is an alternative to the frantic busyness in our culture.
And it takes great courage. "Stuff" comes up, be it physical discomfort, the confused mind, or deep loneliness. Our egos rebel and we become antsy, irritated. Then our minds scream GET UP.
Even so, we sit. Our sangha friends support us; we couldn't do it without them. And the Dharma tells us that generations of other meditators have let go of the same demons.
It's a strange thing to do, to sit. People "relax" "waste time" or "hang out" but most never - not once in a life time - do they sit with awareness.
Sitting is a powerful act, even a rebellious act since it is an alternative to the frantic busyness in our culture.
And it takes great courage. "Stuff" comes up, be it physical discomfort, the confused mind, or deep loneliness. Our egos rebel and we become antsy, irritated. Then our minds scream GET UP.
Even so, we sit. Our sangha friends support us; we couldn't do it without them. And the Dharma tells us that generations of other meditators have let go of the same demons.
9/05/2008
Suchness
If you could choose, where would you be right now?
In the relative world? That's where we spend most of our lives. This world takes a myriad of forms including galaxies, ants, and human beings. Birth and death are as basic as pleasure and pain. In meditation we observe the relative inside us in our internal talk, in body sensations that come with emotions, and in our internal imagery. Living in the relative is an incredible trip - and very far from easy.
With an ever-so-subtle shift in focus it's possible, once you know how, to sense the absolute. You might, for instance, be looking at waves rolling toward the shore when, in a flash, you see those waves as part of a larger whole, the ocean. Or you might be looking at a clear blue sky and suddenly sense the immensity of the universe. A peek into the absolute often comes with awe - and the realization that simply being alive is more than enough.
Bringing that realization back to your daily activities you merge the absolute with the relative. That's the world of suchness.
In the relative world? That's where we spend most of our lives. This world takes a myriad of forms including galaxies, ants, and human beings. Birth and death are as basic as pleasure and pain. In meditation we observe the relative inside us in our internal talk, in body sensations that come with emotions, and in our internal imagery. Living in the relative is an incredible trip - and very far from easy.
With an ever-so-subtle shift in focus it's possible, once you know how, to sense the absolute. You might, for instance, be looking at waves rolling toward the shore when, in a flash, you see those waves as part of a larger whole, the ocean. Or you might be looking at a clear blue sky and suddenly sense the immensity of the universe. A peek into the absolute often comes with awe - and the realization that simply being alive is more than enough.
Bringing that realization back to your daily activities you merge the absolute with the relative. That's the world of suchness.
8/12/2008
Building a Meditation Practice
How is your meditation going? Are you finding the twenty to thirty minutes each day that's needed to build a practice? If not, try to make meditation the first thing you do in the morning. Yes, I know that might mean having to get up earlier, but I do believe it's worth it.
I roll out of bed each morning, make a quick stop in the bathroom and then roll on to my zafu or cushion (you may wish to use a chair). I set the time on a small alarm clock, assume the posture, close my eyes and meditate.
My favorite meditation these past few weeks (I have many favorite meditations) has been to look for a place in the body where I feel particularly relaxed. That's fairly easy in the morning. I tend to focus on the stillness in my abdomen. I stay aware of that object for some moments and then I add to it some awareness on the blank screen in front of my closed eyes. You can try this. Often you'll find wavy forms in black or white - or in color. Alternatively you might see a gray blank screen with no movement.
With your awareness on both relax and blank, you are more likely to move into a deep meditative state.
Enjoy! and let me know how it works..
I roll out of bed each morning, make a quick stop in the bathroom and then roll on to my zafu or cushion (you may wish to use a chair). I set the time on a small alarm clock, assume the posture, close my eyes and meditate.
My favorite meditation these past few weeks (I have many favorite meditations) has been to look for a place in the body where I feel particularly relaxed. That's fairly easy in the morning. I tend to focus on the stillness in my abdomen. I stay aware of that object for some moments and then I add to it some awareness on the blank screen in front of my closed eyes. You can try this. Often you'll find wavy forms in black or white - or in color. Alternatively you might see a gray blank screen with no movement.
With your awareness on both relax and blank, you are more likely to move into a deep meditative state.
Enjoy! and let me know how it works..
8/06/2008
Knowing Peace
Sometimes we human beings get caught in negative thoughts and that causes us much unhappiness. You might hear yourself say, "I can't do anything right." Or, with great anger, "How can he be so selfish?" You might even hear, "Why doesn't she understand that I'm right and she is wrong."
When we listen to these negative thoughts in meditation we observe that they can come in bursts of anger and streams of frustration. We observe that they can be directed outward toward others or inward toward the self.
Caught in illusion, many people assume that this negativity is their problem. And they assume they have to get rid of it to feel happy. Negativity isn't a thing can be owned. Instead it's an activity that comes and goes.
7/14/2008
What does it mean to spend a day sitting in meditation?
For me it means
- Sitting in noble silence, which is a way to know people without having to go through a forest of words.
- A chance to study the mind, which includes listening to my internal talk and slowly, as my meditation deepens, finding those precious gaps when I am silent within.
- The ah ha that sometimes arises within -- as if my eyeglasses have suddenly been washed super-clean, in this way revealing a world that is radically clear, bright and vibrant.
6/27/2008
Daylong Mindfulness Meditation Retreat
5 Reasons to Join Me
- To experience a whole day in silence. It's a powerful release from the talk habit and an entry into a new level of intimacy with your self, with others who are also silent, and with the natural world.
- To increase your power of concentration, which is the ability to focus your attention on something and keep if there for as long as needed. That's the state meditators call being in samadhi.
- To enhance the clarity of your 6 sense gates -- hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, body sensations and thoughts in the mind. Clarity of mind, for instance, enhances your thinking -- your ability to discriminate simply and precisely.
- To develop equanimity. I liken it to watching a herd of buffalo off in the distance. Or it's listening to your children argue without any investment in the outcome -- as long as they don't hurt each other. Sometimes bearing witness is all that's needed for life to take care of itself.
- To experience the delight of meditating with others.
5/28/2008
Know Your Demons
We all have our demons. Let's imagine yours takes the form of an unhappy marriage. Buddhist psychology teaches that this demon lives inside you even though it appears to exist outside - in your partner.
To meet your unhappy-marriage demon sit in meditation and place your awareness on the part of the body where you have sensations that come with emotions. If you're not sure where that is, focus on the face, the neck, and the front of the torso. That's where these body sensations tend to arise, although not always.
Now bring an unhappy marital moment to mind. Perhaps you sense tightness in the neck and shoulders, and for you that indicates anger. Focus in again and you discover a feeling of heaviness in the whole body and a teary feeling around your eyes. It's clear that your demon is both angry and sad. Listen to your internal talk to hear what your demon is saying that is angry or sad.
One day you decide to offer the demon a cup of sweet tea and it works! Now the demon is less absorbing and you have the oomph to find other ways to live in your marriage.
To meet your unhappy-marriage demon sit in meditation and place your awareness on the part of the body where you have sensations that come with emotions. If you're not sure where that is, focus on the face, the neck, and the front of the torso. That's where these body sensations tend to arise, although not always.
Now bring an unhappy marital moment to mind. Perhaps you sense tightness in the neck and shoulders, and for you that indicates anger. Focus in again and you discover a feeling of heaviness in the whole body and a teary feeling around your eyes. It's clear that your demon is both angry and sad. Listen to your internal talk to hear what your demon is saying that is angry or sad.
One day you decide to offer the demon a cup of sweet tea and it works! Now the demon is less absorbing and you have the oomph to find other ways to live in your marriage.
4/29/2008
An Ocean of Awareness
Most of us live in a very small pond of awareness because we're trapped in our internal talk - mostly in the stories we tell ourselves. These stories function like filters that limit what we see, hear, feel, taste, smell, and think. Often we're not even aware that the filters exist.
To expand into an ocean of awareness, we use one-pointed awareness. It actually dissolves the filters and exposes our six senses to life as it truly is. Aiming one-pointed awareness toward a black bird's whistle we hear a subtle inflection or the sound of silence.
To expand into an ocean of awareness, we use one-pointed awareness. It actually dissolves the filters and exposes our six senses to life as it truly is. Aiming one-pointed awareness toward a black bird's whistle we hear a subtle inflection or the sound of silence.
3/21/2008
Want to Study the Ego?
When all is quiet try setting aside 20 minutes to meditate on your internal talk. You can do this by placing your awareness somewhere between your two ears and the back of your head. Don’t make the talk happen, just listen. This puts you in the present, which is where you need to be to explore the ego.
Do you hear talk about the past? Is it a happy memory? Or are you caught in a re-run of an unhappy time. Try not to get lost in either. In this listening mode you are simply observing how the ego arises in internal talk.
You might, instead, be someone who enjoys fantasies. Maybe you’re imagining islands in the sun, or a lover who offers just what you need. This is another ploy to keep you so riveted that there’s no room for life outside the ego.
Perhaps you’re addicted to planning for the future. Do you make lots of lists? Do you rehearse the exact words of a future conversation? This is the ego’s craving for certainty. It denies you the openness of mind that is ready to receive the new.
Lastly, you might hear yourself repeatedly making judgments such as: “How could I have been so stupid,” or “He’s a fool”. Please know that the ego’s judgments can’t survive if you stop believing in them.
Do you hear talk about the past? Is it a happy memory? Or are you caught in a re-run of an unhappy time. Try not to get lost in either. In this listening mode you are simply observing how the ego arises in internal talk.
You might, instead, be someone who enjoys fantasies. Maybe you’re imagining islands in the sun, or a lover who offers just what you need. This is another ploy to keep you so riveted that there’s no room for life outside the ego.
Perhaps you’re addicted to planning for the future. Do you make lots of lists? Do you rehearse the exact words of a future conversation? This is the ego’s craving for certainty. It denies you the openness of mind that is ready to receive the new.
Lastly, you might hear yourself repeatedly making judgments such as: “How could I have been so stupid,” or “He’s a fool”. Please know that the ego’s judgments can’t survive if you stop believing in them.
2/25/2008
Looking In
There's a belief in our culture that looking in makes people self-centered, disengaged and separate. Looking out is often considered more engaged and even healthier. The reality is almost a complete reversal.
Looking in, we observe how ideas - our story lines and judgments - actually do keep us self-absorbed. For instance, you might hear yourself frequently judging others, which separates you from them. Or you might hear yourself interpret a new experience so that it fits into an old story line. That separates you from what is.
However, with time, meditation, and great patience, you can experience moments when all ideas and judgments fade. In the silence that arises, you might realize that behind all your opinions and story lines is fear - and behind the fear are some very tender feelings. These are very big tender feelings since everyone has them.
Looking in deeply is to know that we are One.
Looking in, we observe how ideas - our story lines and judgments - actually do keep us self-absorbed. For instance, you might hear yourself frequently judging others, which separates you from them. Or you might hear yourself interpret a new experience so that it fits into an old story line. That separates you from what is.
However, with time, meditation, and great patience, you can experience moments when all ideas and judgments fade. In the silence that arises, you might realize that behind all your opinions and story lines is fear - and behind the fear are some very tender feelings. These are very big tender feelings since everyone has them.
Looking in deeply is to know that we are One.
1/21/2008
Who Am I?
If I ask who you are, you might say; “I’m a lawyer,” “I’m an extrovert,” or “I’m depressed.” But certainly you are more than any of these labels.
So you try again. “Well, I’m also simply me, a human being, a self.”
And so I ask you to show me where your self is. Can we find it in your brain? If you look inside you will see neurons that fire across synapses in a very complicated neurological system. Surely, that’s not you. Nor can you find it in your heart, your liver or spleen. These organs are all very important; they work together to make you happen. But none of them is you.
“Hmmm,” you say: “Perhaps I can find myself in my personality – in my own thoughts and feelings. That’s certainly me. I can’t imagine that anyone else has my particular thoughts and feelings.”
That’s true, I add, but if you watch closely, particularly in meditation, you will realize that your thoughts and feelings are ever changing. They are not any kind of solid or permanent thing. Anger, fear, gratitude, love, sadness, come in waves of experience. Tell me, where are you in all this?
“Ah,” you say, “I get it! I am not any one of these things. Instead I’m the activity! “I’m not a noun, I’m a verb.”
So you try again. “Well, I’m also simply me, a human being, a self.”
And so I ask you to show me where your self is. Can we find it in your brain? If you look inside you will see neurons that fire across synapses in a very complicated neurological system. Surely, that’s not you. Nor can you find it in your heart, your liver or spleen. These organs are all very important; they work together to make you happen. But none of them is you.
“Hmmm,” you say: “Perhaps I can find myself in my personality – in my own thoughts and feelings. That’s certainly me. I can’t imagine that anyone else has my particular thoughts and feelings.”
That’s true, I add, but if you watch closely, particularly in meditation, you will realize that your thoughts and feelings are ever changing. They are not any kind of solid or permanent thing. Anger, fear, gratitude, love, sadness, come in waves of experience. Tell me, where are you in all this?
“Ah,” you say, “I get it! I am not any one of these things. Instead I’m the activity! “I’m not a noun, I’m a verb.”
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